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Doping scandal plagues Domino Championships

The World Championships of Domino's has had scandal after

scandal plaguing the competition since day 1. The organising

committee has reached the end of the line and in the winter

they are planning to rewrite the rulebook.


Firstly, the cough mixture sucky sweets doping scandal. It was

revealed 8 from the 10 teams competiting had sucky sweets with a

substance to enhance their domino brain...most used cough syrup,

known for its advantages in the domino world


Secondly, the match-fixing scandal, signs, tapping noises were

being made to message a partner what domino was needed.


Henry 'Bones' Winkleman, the President of the W.F.D.A.

(the World federation of Dominos Association) remarked:


           "Cheating bastards the lot of them."


His language could be contributed to the fact his team 'Le Beensoup Domino Maniacs'  being knocked out first round by the 96 year olds of  the Granny Bones Association from Sluttington, as he is known for being a bad looser.


More news on this story, as it progresses.


Yesterday's Quarterfinals were of the highest standard and something positive for the name of the Dominos World.

3 matches were very close and the Granny Bones Association v Young Dom Boys match even had to go to Penalties, with the Grannies winning 10-9. The only match to be decided very early was The woman Liberation team, who totally annihilated the Aggressive Husband team 25-0.


We are looking forward to the semi's, the two top favourites: The Granny Bones Association and the Boys of Ivory Gay Domino Team are still in the running, but will the surprise team the Hells Angels Dom team snatch the grand prize. Nobody wants The Woman Liberation Team to win.....but who is your favourites to win?........ 

"Cheating bastards the lot of them." 

according to Henry 'Bones' Winkleman

 Here are yesterday's Quarter final results:


                                                                 

Boys of Ivory Gay Domino team      beat      The Dentists                   25-23   


The Hells Angels Dom team                beat     The Cops                                25-24


The Womans Liberation team           beat    Aggressive Husbands    25-0


the Granny Bones Association          beat     Young Dom boys           25-25

(the Granny Bones Association go through after penalties, winning 10-9)



Saturday's Semi Final fixtures


The Granny Bones Association versus The Woman Liberation Team

The Hells Angels Dom team         versus Boys of Ivory Gay Domino team

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Gustav (pictured left) seen here during training for the marathon was positive he would make it, as the steriods were finally starting to work.


When our reporter remarked that he had no legs, the thing needed for a marathon. He replied  'Ach, id iv but a minorov problemski

ATHLETICS

Former Russian Pole vaulter Gustav Fellova has taken up a new challange, in the hopes of being selected for the Russian Athletics Team in time for the Rwanda Olympics in 2020

The latest news from Moscow is that Gustav has failed in his attempt. The limit being 4 hours. Gustav took 10 days 6 hours to finish.

But Gustav is not deterred and is already training for a new attempt as a speed skater

RUGBY

last night's rugby match, between The Big Ugly babies and The Dummy Tits had to be abandoned at half time because referee Mrs Mum had had enough of the bickering and sobbing during the first half.

"I couldn't get a moments peace and both teams have been sent to bed without cocoa." she told our reporter.

Captain Pepe Poopoo (below) of the Big Ugly Babies refused to comment and just sat there in the huff

sponsors

SMELLY MEDITATION CORNER: HUMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday's sporting results

Racing Results                         


Foddleburg Race course



3.15 Hornyman stakes


1st  Wankumhard                2/1 fav

2nd Cumzoquick                 8/1

3rd Saftwillie                       200/1



4.20 Ladies Room Challange


1st  Tamponbin                  4/1

2nd Lipstick and pubes   evens fav

3rd Bitch fight                     21/1



5.15 The Who Handicap


1st  Keith Moons                12/8 fav           

2nd Rogered Adultery       5/1

3rd  Wet John's whistle      30000/1

     Pete Tied-down-again DNF

Football Results                         


Foddleburg Premier League


OAP Girl Guides  4   theFun          0

Farmers in drag   3   Sheep            2

Retards & Spaz     0   SM Bitches  88



Coke Boke Division 1


Cock Rovers         0    Minge Ath    0

(abandoned after foreplay)



Mud Wrestling results           


Caked in Girls beat the Bum boys 

Cannasee FO    beat Pokin Men



National Hopping final           


Legless nuns beat Gay Kangeroos

(after extra time hop off)

FOR A RAINY DAY

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answers on page 4

JOKE OF THE MONTH


A man phones down to the reception of a hotel and he is really pissed off

he says "You better get up here, pronto. My wife and I are having an aggressive argument and she has threatened to jump out of the window."

The receptionist says "I am very sorry sir, but it is Hotel policy, not to get involved in domestic troubles."

The man Answers "Yeah!, but I can't get the fucking window open and that is YOUR problem."

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