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Copyright © s.a.smith/zeekthefreak 2017.  All rights reserved.

Reporting the stories the mainstream media chooses to ignore.

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by our rich people Correspondent

The list of charity work that Dame Caramel Charity Pot does is endless.

She is a Dame that just keeps giving and as

thank she has received the very special 'Rich

people that actually do nice things for the

poor award' from Lord Major of Foddleburg

Reginal E.P. Squint, yesterday afternoon.

If not collecting for the Homeless Lesbian

Badgers with 3 legs or for the Society of men

that wink a lot.She is relentless in her

Charity work.


"I just love giving..." she remarked, through

the toilet door at her Stately home:The Pot

Manor. "Just give give give." she was heard

pushing out.

Her Husband Clive Wank-Merchant the 3rd was less than pleased with the award and he said a little later.

   "Holy fuck, fucking bitch just won't stop fucking giving....yes, the

    fucking dyke gives to every fucker one, except for me, the fucking

    bitch arse wiped wench"

Clive is known for his vulgarity, he is an ex-miner.

We heard later that Clive and Dame Pot have

not been on speaking terms since their wedding

day and the 'I do' moment of the ceremony.

Pictured right, Dame Pot receiving her award

and there after she burst into song giving her

rendition of "scrub the floor you lazy poorman

or you don't get no fucking bread' the welknown

hit song from very rich blues singer Neat-and-

clean Barry Mintedlow and the fabulous dosh 4.

The audeince went apeshit, people were hoping and screaming, but for  Clive it was different, he just walked out, murmering 'Holy fuck.'

Religious Quote of the day

Thou shall not stick thou

sausage in another man's wife

Further in this Edition

Doping Scandel at Domino World Championships full report from today's event.

Plus all sporting results, football, rugby and racing results HERE

In your time of need, who better

to hold your hand or your left

boob but your local Holy Joe,with comforting words and a holy and sacred sausage.

The latest showbiz news and all

the latest films, music, theatre from our celebrity guru's Barry Nobman and Candy Cummings

Plus an interview with a star

How is your day planned in the stars, will you become rich? or pregnant? or hit by a bus?

Our expert Grussel Rant has all

the answer for you HERE

All this and much much more

Last night, our ace reporter Fungus McNosyfecker received information from his snitch about a routine operation 3 years ago in the Foddleburg Memorial General Hospital that went horribly wrong and now the Hospital is facing a massive compensations claim from the law firm Bogie, Bogie and Snot representing the family of the victim. When Fungus realised the severity of this blunder, he decided to investigate more. However we must heed a word of warning to our readers, this report may make you scream,make politicians commit harry carry and make doctors at the hospital stick their heads down the toilet and pull the chain a few times

“My client, Bertrum ‘Thumper’ Bush

(pictured below), a very silly street

cleaner of 23, No-Fixed Abode Alley,

Shitville, Foddleburg East was tired

of being a very ugly and smelly man,

bored with his tedious life of doing

nothing but work, eat, shit, fart, watch

football, flash his rod to girl guides, say

‘hello there mince face’ a lot, drink excessive amounts of alcohol, beat up the wife….you know the normal things in life and after years of depression and psychological evaluations, it was discovered that Thumper had but one wish, a dream he felt would complete him as a man and pull him out of this tedious life, he wanted to be……a lesbian”

                                            Unfortunately, as we all know and Fungus found

                                            out, this is not something you can just buy at the

                                            local chemist.

                                            To be Lesbian many activities must be performed,

                                            including a massive operation to remove le Pénis.


                                           Hector continued:

                                           “We all know the situation and after months of

                                             discussions with doctors, medical staff,traffic

                                             wardens,  psychiatrists, the milkman and the dog

                                             at the end of the lane. It was decided that in the

                                             best interest of everyone if we granted him

                                             his wish and so in July of that year, a date was

                                             set to perform this difficult operation”

But this was not the end of Thumper's problems and when Fungus delved deeper into the life of this sad bastard, he uncovered that the wife and schoolyard sweetheart of Thumper, Lassie Bush-Fido, had totally no idea of what her husband had planned.

Here is her side of the story:

“I am totally lost for words” Lassie barked

“I always thought Thumper was a happy man

and I should have seen the changes in him,

when he was refused entry into the Gents

toilets at Central Station for sneaking in side-

ways and giggling out loud at people peeing,

it broke him and they made him walk in

normally and not giggle, he was a changed

man, I received no more beatings and he just

sat there a broken man, yes we had our ups

and downs, like every couple, but he was a

giving man. When I asked for a puppy, he gave me an alligator saying it was a rare breed, O!, why didn’t I see this, I am so upset.”

With that Lassie broke down and cried. Unfortunately, our reporter could not bring himself to consoling her for fear of being bitten…woof!!!

continued on page 2



by Flip Cockenburger

Flip Cockenburger of B'tard Road (pictured right) has been admitted to The Foddleburg Hospital with

acute Fartinitis. The Police said

his wife had complained of a bad

gas oder and after investigation

had decided to arrest Flip, for

breach of the pants, but due to the stench were unable to apprehend him. Judge Get O'Blaster said he was free to go and stink some-place else up. Flip claimed to our reporter that his wife's cooking was "fucking bad" and that his bowels were fucked.


A young man named Zed Fruitwhistle, seen here below with his inventor, has won this years Foddleburg Poetry Competition, with his poem: 'Don't smell the flowers, coz you might stand in the shite'  Read it inside on page 4

The Judges,were totally

unanimous in their decision

and were very happy to

award him with the trophy.

They said later: that the

other poems were just shite

and the fact they were Zed's

Mum and dad had nothing

to do with their decision.

Read Zed's poem on page 4


Local News


Our story begins in a council house in the east part of town, in the Shitville area of town to be precise. Hector Smthen-hythen-House, (pictured here) the lawyer representing the family takes up the story:



all the music news about ZEEKtheFREAK and band members past and present

The Gullible's Travels CD is finally starting to take shape. As ZEEK the FREAK returns to recording. The new release date is new years day 2018. Only a year late, which is good going considering it is ZEEKtheFREAK

for more info: zeekthefreak.com 

Zeek D'Accoustique CD is expected sometime next year. Even though the ZEEKtheFREAK ALBUM isn't ready, plans are in place for an acoustic album of mostly new material, but also a few oldies.

more info: zeek d'accoustique

BEST OF ZEEKtheFREAK (early years) is expected to be out sometime next year or early 2019. The problem for the delay is the deciding on the choice of tracks and also due to the backlog of the other 2 CD's....more news to follow later

for more info: zeekthefreak.com

D.O.E.L. CD  (de egmondse ondergrondse liberaal) is a band and project of Bas Lute (the Rebel Jesus) Hopefully soon a new album and gigs from this cool band

more info: D.O.E.L.

Nikkei Index misplaced  The whole of Tokio looking for it     

Wall Street Crash  2 feared dead and many injured 

London Stock Exchange  soup recipes

Foreign Exchange  The euro and the Dollar are not speaking to each other,

                                                The Pound does not want to get involved.

                                               The Yen just keeps on appologising

Today's weather sponsered by just-guessing.com: freezing rain,thunder,sun  temperture low:-15c high:+30c

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