Dodgy Bastards Promotions in conjuction with Zeek Productions & ZEEKtheFREAK proudly present....
Reporting the stories the mainstream media chooses to ignore.
3 times a year,February,June,October
Copyright © s.a.smith/zeekthefreak 2017. All rights reserved.
by our rich people Correspondent
The list of charity work that Dame Caramel Charity Pot does is endless.
She is a Dame that just keeps giving and as
thank she has received the very special 'Rich
people that actually do nice things for the
poor award' from Lord Major of Foddleburg
Reginal E.P. Squint, yesterday afternoon.
If not collecting for the Homeless Lesbian
Badgers with 3 legs or for the Society of men
that wink a lot.She is relentless in her
"I just love giving..." she remarked, through
the toilet door at her Stately home:The Pot
Manor. "Just give give give." she was heard
Her Husband Clive Wank-Merchant the 3rd was less than pleased with the award and he said a little later.
"Holy fuck, fucking bitch just won't stop fucking giving....yes, the
fucking dyke gives to every fucker one, except for me, the fucking
bitch arse wiped wench"
Clive is known for his vulgarity, he is an ex-miner.
We heard later that Clive and Dame Pot have
not been on speaking terms since their wedding
day and the 'I do' moment of the ceremony.
Pictured right, Dame Pot receiving her award
and there after she burst into song giving her
rendition of "scrub the floor you lazy poorman
or you don't get no fucking bread' the welknown
hit song from very rich blues singer Neat-and-
clean Barry Mintedlow and the fabulous dosh 4.
The audeince went apeshit, people were hoping and screaming, but for Clive it was different, he just walked out, murmering 'Holy fuck.'
Religious Quote of the day
Thou shall not stick thou
sausage in another man's wife
Further in this Edition
In your time of need, who better
to hold your hand or your left
boob but your local Holy Joe,with comforting words and a holy and sacred sausage.
The latest showbiz news and all
the latest films, music, theatre from our celebrity guru's Barry Nobman and Candy Cummings
Plus an interview with a star
All this and much much more
Last night, our ace reporter Fungus McNosyfecker received information from his snitch about a routine operation 3 years ago in the Foddleburg Memorial General Hospital that went horribly wrong and now the Hospital is facing a massive compensations claim from the law firm Bogie, Bogie and Snot representing the family of the victim. When Fungus realised the severity of this blunder, he decided to investigate more. However we must heed a word of warning to our readers, this report may make you scream,make politicians commit harry carry and make doctors at the hospital stick their heads down the toilet and pull the chain a few times
“My client, Bertrum ‘Thumper’ Bush
(pictured below), a very silly street
cleaner of 23, No-Fixed Abode Alley,
Shitville, Foddleburg East was tired
of being a very ugly and smelly man,
bored with his tedious life of doing
nothing but work, eat, shit, fart, watch
football, flash his rod to girl guides, say
‘hello there mince face’ a lot, drink excessive amounts of alcohol, beat up the wife….you know the normal things in life and after years of depression and psychological evaluations, it was discovered that Thumper had but one wish, a dream he felt would complete him as a man and pull him out of this tedious life, he wanted to be……a lesbian”
Unfortunately, as we all know and Fungus found
out, this is not something you can just buy at the
To be Lesbian many activities must be performed,
including a massive operation to remove le Pénis.
“We all know the situation and after months of
discussions with doctors, medical staff,traffic
wardens, psychiatrists, the milkman and the dog
at the end of the lane. It was decided that in the
best interest of everyone if we granted him
his wish and so in July of that year, a date was
set to perform this difficult operation”
But this was not the end of Thumper's problems and when Fungus delved deeper into the life of this sad bastard, he uncovered that the wife and schoolyard sweetheart of Thumper, Lassie Bush-Fido, had totally no idea of what her husband had planned.
Here is her side of the story:
“I am totally lost for words” Lassie barked
“I always thought Thumper was a happy man
and I should have seen the changes in him,
when he was refused entry into the Gents
toilets at Central Station for sneaking in side-
ways and giggling out loud at people peeing,
it broke him and they made him walk in
normally and not giggle, he was a changed
man, I received no more beatings and he just
sat there a broken man, yes we had our ups
and downs, like every couple, but he was a
giving man. When I asked for a puppy, he gave me an alligator saying it was a rare breed, O!, why didn’t I see this, I am so upset.”
With that Lassie broke down and cried. Unfortunately, our reporter could not bring himself to consoling her for fear of being bitten…woof!!!
MY WIFE MAKES ME FART
Flip Cockenburger of B'tard Road (pictured right) has been admitted to The Foddleburg Hospital with
acute Fartinitis. The Police said
his wife had complained of a bad
gas oder and after investigation
had decided to arrest Flip, for
breach of the pants, but due to the stench were unable to apprehend him. Judge Get O'Blaster said he was free to go and stink some-place else up. Flip claimed to our reporter that his wife's cooking was "fucking bad" and that his bowels were fucked.
A young man named Zed Fruitwhistle, seen here below with his inventor, has won this years Foddleburg Poetry Competition, with his poem: 'Don't smell the flowers, coz you might stand in the shite' Read it inside on page 4
The Judges,were totally
unanimous in their decision
and were very happy to
award him with the trophy.
They said later: that the
other poems were just shite
and the fact they were Zed's
Mum and dad had nothing
to do with their decision.
Read Zed's poem on page 4
Our story begins in a council house in the east part of town, in the Shitville area of town to be precise. Hector Smthen-hythen-House, (pictured here) the lawyer representing the family takes up the story:
all the music news about ZEEKtheFREAK and band members past and present
The Gullible's Travels CD is finally starting to take shape. As ZEEK the FREAK returns to recording. The new release date is new years day 2018. Only a year late, which is good going considering it is ZEEKtheFREAK
for more info: zeekthefreak.com
Zeek D'Accoustique CD is expected sometime next year. Even though the ZEEKtheFREAK ALBUM isn't ready, plans are in place for an acoustic album of mostly new material, but also a few oldies.
more info: zeek d'accoustique
BEST OF ZEEKtheFREAK (early years) is expected to be out sometime next year or early 2019. The problem for the delay is the deciding on the choice of tracks and also due to the backlog of the other 2 CD's....more news to follow later
for more info: zeekthefreak.com
Nikkei Index misplaced The whole of Tokio looking for it
Wall Street Crash 2 feared dead and many injured
London Stock Exchange soup recipes
Foreign Exchange The euro and the Dollar are not speaking to each other,
The Pound does not want to get involved.
The Yen just keeps on appologising
Copyright © 1996-2017 www.zeek.org.uk. All rights reserved.
Today's weather sponsered by just-guessing.com: freezing rain,thunder,sun temperture low:-15c high:+30c