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SISTER ARE DOING IT FOR..US
The Nuns of the Sisters of the Carpet Munchers Convent on Jimmy's Hill, which is situated about 5 miles outside of Foddleburg have agreed to help With Sister Mary Mother O'Jesus heading the investigation and Sister Goldberg starting the nuns on a sing-song of I will flow him as they followed our reporter. But after 40 minutes of hearing this song, he told them "In the name of Christ, give it a fucking rest, would you!"
So they made sandwiches instead
After the 50th time singing 'I will follow him' the Nuns took the hint and made sandwiches instead
Has Religion lost the plot?
On this page we are gonna have an in-depth look at W.T.F. is going on with Religion. Once it was the savour and Guardian of Nations and it's people, it is now like a thorn in the side of humanity. With wars, paedo-scandals and Jesus or Mohammad nowhere to be seen.
Our expert's writers have investigated this problem. Probing into every area like a good Bishop and his favourite choir boy or Ali Bongo does with his trusty goat and like the stone at the cave where J.C. was...we will not leave it unturned until we know the truth
COMING THROUGH YOUR RIGHTEOUS HEADPHONES.
THE ONLY REAL 24 HOUR RELIGION RADIO STATION
24 hours a day/6 days a week on 666 FM.
Sunday we sing to the big man
We also cater for the crap Religions
the Jehovah Pullova show
Ali's Kababaramma hour
Before you continue,
let me make this clear.
I am not the Anti-
Christ. I do not hate any form of religion and this page is meant only to make you laugh and in no way am I condemning your beliefs. So chill out FFS
....with Mandy Mingemuncher in the studio and not Corrie La Poo, she was fired, with Fungus McNosyfecker and Roger Ed Plasticnob out on location
Tonight on Spy News, we have proof that Religion has reached an all-time low, with people sacrificing their
A-holes in the name of Christianity. But what is the future of Religion, this question must be arsed are we destined for his Armegettin. Tonight we investigate. Good evening Foddleburg, I'm Mandy Mingemuncher
Latest news headlines......Bush fires ravage hairy woman......scientest prove, it is a long way to Tipperary.....Police raid old p
We go live to Fungus McNosyfecker,some- where on location, are you there,F...... Holy crap, could someone please tell that whore, Corrie La Poo, she no longer works on the news team, because she was fired. Get her the hell away from the camera
...anyway back to our story. Christians of today are going pants down to be baptist in a Holy penetration by the saviour, cleansing their sins the anal way, but what's the deal here...........
.........are they blindly just burying their heads in the sand?....
......who says it's the savour who sticks his sausage in.What if Judas gets his negative willie out??? And what proof is there, it actually cleanses the soul, I had to find out so I went to Jesus's Caribbean hideaway and shockingly found some negative examples..........
Here are just a few reactions from people on this fantasy Island, but there are thousands more, who believe that this Anal Baptism will cleanse the soul.
The reaction on their faces says enough, but I just had to ask if the felt saved
MY POOR ASS
...but Jesus might have spread his legs too wide and even though he
was still trying to convert virgins, the ass cracks started to show
...and still the faithful await his holy penetration, as we see to my left. Head in the sand ass up
Can you spot him yet?
Here's a hint
Here we see our secret cameraman Paulus Peekaboo filming Jesus trying to recruit another innocent virgin for some pervy sect
Holly Molly rolly polly, but things are really hotting up here, so we will take a break and hear from our sponsors and maybe take a cold shower or get a massage or something like that, because I don't know about you, but I am more than a little moist in my nether regions...... see you a few minutes....ooooooohhh!!!!!
END OF PART 1
the Reverend Freako
That is a Question constantly being asked by
all Religious nuts and especially by the 2nd in
command, Pope Benny Dickylickytus and his
guys in red dresses in the Vatican.
But I feel I have found enough evidence at my
300 room stately manner. Unfortunately, I
will need more money because my house needs a paint job and the paint fumes
help me see the Devil and I can kick his red ass back to hell..... Honest, I think I know where he is, so send money to my bank account Vatican Bank card number 666, don't delay, give today.
MY CHILDREN, THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS,
BUT HE COSTS MONEY....LOTS OF MONEY
Until next time, be safe and love one another, Yes that means
you too Ali.......ffs
HOLY SMALL ADS (batman)
Required immediately:Experienced carpenter for an established company. Must have full woodwork qualifications and drink red wine. If you have a fishing permit as well, then that would be a bonus. Send a prayer for an interview to JC WOOD CROSSES LTD. ID#12GO
Judas, Single, middle east gentleman. Still looks young, likes are fishing, telling on people, hates: sincere honest religious people and people who think they are high and mighty. Romans also welcome. ID#666
Donkey only used once.Likes to burden a cross. ID MaryM.
Dr Ahmed knows the score
My dear patients,
I truly receive a lot of questions asking about knee and back troubles during prayers. My friends, I cannot stress this enough, stretching before prayers
is a must and maybe take a yoga
class or 2 to help the old bodies.
and good knee protectors like
these from my friend Ali
My friends, we are on this earth for a short time and so we must protect ourselves and our sheep, So just say No
Until next time, be safe and say hi to your 20 wives
Welcome back...God, I needed that rub down, brrr!!!!, anyway back to the story.....
We know of the secret society and although we have proof on film, we got zip from either the 2nd in command Pope Louie Spaghettio or even anyone in the sect...luckily we managed to secretly film an interview with Cardinal O'Cumalyefaithful and it might shed more light on the situation and hopefully later, we hope to talk to the big boss, Jesus himself........Over to Fungus McNosyfecker......Fungus, are you there?
I am here
at the church
of the Holy Crap
communion and the
Cardinal has some
news that might
interest our viewers
hoping for an anal
My children, I have received word from our all high and mighty Hippy Lord. Although he thinks it's far out and groovy all the new baptisms,He fears he just does not have enough Holy Willie to go around and so in light of this situation. He will sell his very own signed Jesus Butt-plug, available from all churches etc for $300, can I get an Amen?
..but demand for this holy Butt-plug was just nuts and it seems they underestimated the power of the anus and so we take you now, live to a secret location.........
My children, I have received news from heaven. Dad told me we have run out of butt-plugs,but please do not panic, your prayers will be answered as we will be receiving a new shipment from Taiwan sometime next week..AMEN
Ah crap, I should
have got mine
...but it seems the words of our Lord have been taken in vain and all hell has broken loose in the city centre. Our other reporter Roger Ed Plasticnob is on the scene. Roger...........
Sigh!, that good for nothing bastard gets all the cool jobs.......Ah! holy Crap, I'm still live.....bastards!
Sorry to disappoint, Mandy, but this rioting has actually nothing to do with Jesus or religion. People nowadays are just grumpy and aggressive bastards, with no respect for anything, not even God.
......and here is your proof that no one really gives a damn nowadays about either Religion or Jesus, let alone his special Religious healing butt-plugs. Narcissism is the new religion but does that really make the world a better place.......
Fucking butt-plug hippy
stop poking me with the pointy thing you c**t
and so, as we close this special report....what now for Jesus and religion. I know he really isn't a bad guy, but when I hear the Python's singing 'Always look on the bright side of life', I find that hard to accept when there are things stuck up your bottom, but who am I, judge it for yourself...and as for Jesus. Uncle Judas had him put in a cave, because he had those things up his bottom and that is just gay
....and you can stay in there until
either your dad or one of his employees comes down to pick you up. I mean butt-plugs indeed, what were you thinking, Jesus?
So on behalf of the SPY NEWS team, thanks for watching. My name Mandy Mingemuncher, see you next time.
Available for download the Religious album of 2008
The album that will really test your faith
For only €7 from
What they said about it
"Made me puke," His Holiness The Pope
"Seriously, all I want is money," His Holiness The Pope's girlfriend
So you see, they don't have a fucking clue, what they are on about
Well, folks, that is the end of this Religion Special. I really do hope you enjoyed it and like I said at the start. Lighten up, I totally mean No disrespect to you, your God or your Religion.
The Fools Funnybone fears for the future of Religion, the media have taken over and our verdict on Religion is, may it Rest In Peace because in this society Money is the new religion.
Plus if there is a Hell, well, I guess I have just reserved my place there FFS